<3

sharon, shi hui
child of God
JAEL and AAR
27 may 1991
nineteen
temasek poly

toner cartridge

Loves

dance
cookies and cream
chocolate coated strawberries
popcorn
books
elmo
orange

Hates

smokers
bitch
bastard
liars

Wishlist

digital camera
outings
birthday surprise

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Im tired and sad and i finished up my tears long ago. So now i feel like crying but no tears. This feeling is even worse than crying.

~ you're everything I need
The month of september really is long and tiring. Now i know why they say 'wake me up when september ends'. Everynight before i sleep i pray that tomorrow will be a better day.

I may get upset, you say im sensitive. But i gotta admit. Im just jealous of you. Pretty, smart, rich and rich parents, endless suitors queuing up. Ur sea of friends is never ending. And what do i have? Plain looking, suck at math, poor and still have to support my parents, the guy i love hates me. And u are my only friend.

When im heartbroken, u tell me that i can talk to u. But have you realise that when we go out, we do the things that you like. Im those 'anything lor' type. Partly because im fine with doing things that you like, but also because i know you wont do the things i like. So i dont bother saying.

Not everyone can be as happy or strong or insensitive as you are. I dont think like you and i most certainly dont have a life like you. There are so many things that you dont know and you dont observe.

~ you're everything I need
3rd week of school and i decided to end this relationship. ):

It hurts but at least it seems like the right thing to do. My heart wants to be with you but my mind is telling me tt you are better off without me. All the while I eat shit breathe sleep also think about you.

I know you are not sad, not heartbroken but im sorry for all the trouble that ive caused you. You wanted a relationship but i gave you more problems. I cant tell you what, and i cant explain either.

I guess it was naive for me to think that you will sense something is wrong, but you let go so quickly. And what does that mean? Guess im the only one needing this relationship.

~ you're everything I need
Nights like this make me feel lonely.

I think when a relationship grows older, it will eventually reach a point when love and habit strikes a balance. and habits may not be a bad thing either. and i got a habit of falling asleep when my bf is beside me. when he's not around, its so difficult to fall asleep.

not sure if its because im afraid of being alone. but knowing that he is beside me, hearing him snore, feeling his presence, i feel safe enough to even turn off the light.

~ you're everything I need
time to spend time here again. i wasnt too busy to blog, just nth to talk about i guess. and if i try to find a random topic, most likely i will write a whole lot of shit and go out of point. so im just gonna record my boring life here.

i started working at arena since 29 june and will continue working on wed, fri and sat. alot of people think that i work at club is because im a clubber. it just shows that they are very shallow and they dont understand the reason why i choose to work in this environment. this kind of people i dont need them to understand also. those that understand why i work wont even ask me or think that im working because im a clubber.

anyway, so far im enjoying the work there, ya i need to stand for long hours and the lack of sleep, etc, etc. again, people who understand me know i dont work for money, i work for environment. and thick skin abit, i think i learn quite fast also.

i think it was friday that i watch transformers with bf, dy and his small brother. the movie wasnt so bad, but its not my favourite either. then sunday supposed to go play the wii games at ehub but bf didnt bother booking a room so they told us there wasnt anymore space so went home and watch AVP. and it turns out that AVP wasnt even scary. just a group of monsters fighting only. and i may have watched AVP2 without even remembering.

and monday night stayover at bf house and watch xmen first class. its quite boring, not as exciting as xmen 1 2 and 3. first class was more of a history class. and maybe too many mutants involved.

today apply for bank loan from OCBC. why i choose OCBC? not because of interest rates (its rate are higher than others) not because of its flexibility (RHB Bank also have it) but because they can loan up to 8 times of monthly pay and other banks usually only up to 6 times and OCBC opposite my house only.

today i look at my dad and saw how old he is. maybe its time to forgive him.

~ you're everything I need
I feel like dying.

~ you're everything I need
I wont say that im the best gf in the world. But i dont think that im the worst also. I can be very affectionate everytime i fall in love. I can be willing to do little things to show that i appreciate someone very much. Im willing to spend time and money if necessary. Im foolish til the point that i got treated like a dog in the past.

I know whats the meaning of "doing things without expecting anything in return". But i believe that even the nicest person on earth also have a limit right? The person who keeps giving without receiving anything or even get acknowledged by their effort will also be tired. Tired of being so nice. Tired of being treated so unimportantly.

~ you're everything I need
I thought I would regret my decision. But no, I feel more relieved. Like I dont need to put on a smile so people will not think that im emoing. I dont have to act high so that people notice my presence. Its the time when i dont feel like myself that i feel alone with a big group of people. But the feeling of being alone but not feeling alone is so much better.

All the while, most of my so called friends think that im very independent, think that im someone who can handle everything. Can i still call these people my friends when I very clearly know that they never understood what kind of person I am? And if im feeling quiet that day they all say i emo. I dont deserve some quiet time on my own? And when im happy and is a bit more chatty nobody ever listens to what i say. Sentences that i say out are ignored.

You people make me feel like mulan. Forcing me to be somebody im not. Maybe thats why Reflection is my favourite song.

~ you're everything I need
tuesday went bedok to sing song with bf. the price wasnt so bad and the service was good. their tv thing had to key in your hp number so it will rmb the songs you requested for then next time you go, you just go to favourite songs and all the songs you sing before will be there for easy clicking.

morning timing was 11 till 6 pm, they will give 3 hours minimum then if no customers want the room or what they will let you sing until 6pm. if still no customer, you really can sing until the place close at 2am for weekdays, 3am for weekends. but the bad thing is 1 drink per person only, and the drinks are all can drinks. at least they allow us to bring our own food and drinks, not like kbox tibits are $7++. we even saw people buy mac and bring in the room. so if a big group of friends want sing the whole day, the price and the system is better than others.

and lucky i force bf to go shopping with me at bugis. at first he was deciding whether to go out shopping to get his berms then i just help him decide. he got 2 berms for $25, i got a simple maxi dress for $15, a black flats for $19.90 and bf buy charles & keith demin heels for me. i think limited edition one leh. feels like im wearing some branded jeans for shoes. but i still have to pay for his ticket to USS ):

~ you're everything I need
a little update on my life,

last sat went to the jurong bird park on a double date with me, bf, chuqiao and bf. im lazy to post any photos here and im still considering whether to upload in on fb at all. maybe just post some human faces beccause the birds were all hiding that day.

at night went to this bar/pub place at raffles. its called 1altitude and its on the 62nd level so the sight was pretty nice. went with bf and his friends and found out that benjamin was afraid of heights! a big guy can have his soft spot too. it was nice mingling with other gfs there. sharon is now a little less judgmental.

next day, sunday morning. went to zoo with ann and chuqiao. since they say they will be late so i purposely took my own sweet time and was even later. i think the zoo is undergoing some renovation so i didnt get to see the polar bears. the whole day was a bad day. i know people said that friends shouldnt go out in threes. because somebody will be left out. i just assumed it wouldnt happen to us because we knew each other for so long. but when it happened, i didnt know what to do. keep following them and try to act like im close to them? if i do all the acting then im just another fake person. so i chose to walk alone. if they forget me then too bad for me i guess. afterall, people always think im this strong girl that will be fine on her own. so they think its ok and just let me be independent.

someday, i hope to find a friend that really understand me.

~ you're everything I need
Everybody should understand when someone tells them not to judge a book by its cover. Still, it takes bits and pieces of experience with different people before you understand what it really means.

Friends over 10 years may still be a bitch and betray each other. Strangers that look mean doesn't mean that they are a bully. Why is it so difficult for friends to truely know each other inside out? Why are there still friends that take each other for granted? Are those friends that use words to put me down still friends? How do I know whether they did it on purpose or it was a slip of tongue. I think it would be better if you have close friends, but not so close until they have the chance to backstab or say words to upset you. I wonder if husband and wife or couples bitch about each other.

"Don't judge people!" so many of us say it. But most of the time, the people who say this are also judging people as well. I say so much, I also find it difficult not to judge someone based on first impressions.

~ you're everything I need
I spend the week at phuket. I wont say its a waste of money, but its not the best place also. but Im glad this trip help us to rethink this relationship. Maybe its better this way, better to end it than to keep fighting over our problems.

~ you're everything I need
Why is it that everytime i introduce a friend to another friend, they end up being close and forget all about me? In the end, they hang out, they talk to each other but not to me.

Since the time I could remember, I'm always in someone's shadow. Hiding behind a friend that is cool, popular, someone that everyone likes. And they remember me as "X's" friend.

Are all these Xs in my life still considered as friends? Or i just havent found the one friend that people will remember as 2 individuals that are cool and 2 good friends?

~ you're everything I need
Is this the best or the worst birthday? Its up to you to decide.

Early in the morning, quarrel with bf over small matters.
Still rush to sp but waited outside until he is done because i refuse to forgive him.
When we took pictures, it seems so easy to just stand beside each other and smile like nothing is wrong.
After that took train to tampines. The train was packed with no free seats.
At aljunied, i was feeling sick and giddy so we went outside to sit on the bench.
And i threw up in his sp paper bag.
He held my hand tight and i can feel the warm from his hands making me abit better.
He piggyback me to the staffroom to rest.
I took 2 panadol but threw up again. Most likely due to empty stomach.
We took a cab home and i fell asleep beside him until it was time for dinner.

~ you're everything I need
Nothing much is happening in my life. I even chose not to go for my graduation ceremony. Besides getting evidence to tell the world that you graduation and is qualified for a job, its just photo taking session with your friends. Since most of the law students were 'hi-bye' friends, I didnt see the point in waking up early for 1 minute of walking down to stage and get a piece of paper. So I was home alone watching Glee season 2 the whole day. I thought I was anti social or something. But I didnt feel lonely. I was texting in between the videos and for once, I actually felt happy. In fact, if I force myself to go to school, I would be lonely sitting around people who werent my friends.

~ you're everything I need
I am officially a tuition teacher! Just ended my first lesson at 9, tomorrow going back to teach her brother. Teaching is really not easy, its not about solving problems, its making sure the student understands. And when the kid is too young, she dont understand but she still say yes to everything.

~ you're everything I need
Its Mothers' Day again and also my last day of training.

To be honest, I dont quite like the idea of mothers day. Not that I dont like my mum, just that, why must you only celebrate mothers day once a year? So many people just bring their mum for an expensive dinner or buy some expensive present and give it to their mum and say "Happy Mother's Day". Then what about the rest of the year? Your mum dont wash clothes, clean the house, go shopping for house items so that you can get away with spending money on her for a day.

If you really love your mum, who needs mothers day to remind us. Seriously. Yes, I didnt treat her to dinner at a restaurant or use money to get her something. Instead, I use my time to give her massages when she complains of backache, I bake with her, I go shopping and be her fashion consultant, I watch tv dramas with her. And I talk to her. So much better than a dinner.

~ you're everything I need
i realise that this wasnt the kind of relationship that i was expecting. it made me turn into a girl that gets upset easily, cry easily, it made me question myself and made me think that im not good enough for you.

perhaps it was you who took me for granted or maybe i was too sensitive and always cooking up a fuss. what went wrong, i really have no idea.

but now, i dont wanna try anymore. i dont want to be the one that is running after you. since young, im the one that is always pestering the other party. honestly speaking, which girl doesnt want their guy to pay attention to them? which girl would be ok and calm when their guy is looking at someone else, lusting after someone else? so please dont ever think that the problem is you looking at someone else. you should be able to understand what impact that would have one me. you should know that by doing certain things, you make question my ability and position in your life. remember your friend dancing with another girl while the gf is at home? so what if other people say that touching is a more serious 'crime'? its the same concept, you love her, you wont even see others in your eyes.

whats the point of being together if you never once share your true feelings with me? why is it that you either keep things to yourself or you prefer talking to your friends instead? 1 year already, and i still cant walk into your life. you seem to be happier without me instead, while i cry when i know you talk to your friends instead of me.

so i rather be alone everyday than texting you and seeing your cold replies. i rather be single than be in a 'relationship'. unless i get back my confidence, unless you prove yourself by changing, its not a relationship to me. im not chasing after you anymore. im the girl, and i like to be chased.

~ you're everything I need
为什么只有我一个人在哭, 你都不会难过吗?

~ you're everything I need
is there a need for you to treat me so coldly when we have a fight? i dont understand why you can totally ignore me like i dont even exist. if im only for good times and not bad times, how long can we still be together?

~ you're everything I need